My last post focused primarily on Self-image and in this post, I will be focused on self-confidence. These two things definitely go and hand in hand. I am not quite sure which one is more important but I do know they can affect your quality of life. I mentioned this in my previous post, it’s not easy to write about this part of my life. If my thoughts seem scrambled, please understand this is a serious challenge for me.
Having to ask for help in nearly every aspect of my life has definitely taken a toll on my self-confidence. Believing in myself isn’t easy when I can’t even do the most basic human functions in order to survive. The older I have become the least I can do for myself, given my disease continues to progress.
Fixing my self-confidence isn’t as easy as fixing my self-image issues. I have had to learn how to rewire my entire thought process and how I approach life. Learning and retaining knowledge seems to be the strongest trait about me. I’m not claiming to have above average intellect because I personally, think I am quite average on the intelligence scale. I find my confidence in my willingness to learn. Learning how to do a task or a field of work gives you confidence in yourself to complete said task or field of work. I take that little bit of confidence in myself and translate it to the rest of my life.
Now, this is probably hard to understand because quite frankly, it still confuses me. Let me try to phrase in a different way. Having the knowledge/skill to help someone makes me feel useful. I am fairly certain my self-confidence issues stem from feeling useless.
It was only recently when I figured this out. Once I realized that helping someone made me feel more confident is when I started to change my lifestyle. Using my time to better myself through learning instead of watching random mindless content was a huge change for me. I have told this story before but it greatly resonates with me so I am going to tell it again. I was at a pool party last Summer and a lady from the Netherlands approached me and asked what I did for a living. My response was “nothing, I’m on disability.” Her response still echoes in my head a year later, “your mind isn’t disabled, don’t sell yourself short.” I couldn’t think of what to reply back with because she was completely correct. This little exchange of words kickstarted my path to finding my confidence.
I mentioned this in the beginning but I apologize if my thoughts seem a bit scrambled. It’s no easy task to write about self-confidence. I might revisit this in the future when I have a better understanding of it. I hope you enjoyed and I will be returning on Monday.
This month’s book:
Here’s another beautiful photograph from my lovely photographer:
Also published on Medium.